more fucking cats

Moving on up

So i just officially moved out of our apartment. You know it’s for real cause i brought my laptop and deoderant with me. Fraser’s in fucking Costa Rica anyways. I’ll be staying up at my parent’s place until June 25th, according to the note mom left me.

PROS
-My new roomates are a 65″ plasma TV and a fucking fat-ass cat
-Huge deck
-Sweet BBQ
-Backyard
-Access to 3 cars
-Newspaper subscription
-Found a big ass bottle of Kileaua! White Russian weekend!

CONS
-Mowing the lawn
-The fate of the foliage is in my hands
-Chasing half-dead around the house at 3AM. Thanks Charlie
-Waking up 2 minutes earlier so i can feed the damn cat

FUCK OFF YOU WANKER (pronounced “wangka”)

http://www.gordonramsayswearsatyou.com/

oh hey.

hey internet. how’s it going? thought i’d stop in and say what’s up. Hope you’re not too busy. Ya sure i’ll watch that with you. Oh man you’re so funny! It’s so great hanging out with you. The time just melts away when we’re together.

You know i think of you all the time. Even when i’m at work i find time to check in – just to see how you’re doing. You know, I still remember when we first met back in elementary school. You were working in the library helping people find books and i was just a naive schoolboy. I pleaded with my parents to let you come stay with us and eventualy they relented. Even they knew you were something special and we both could benefit by being together.

We were both young and I fell hard for you. We spent whole summers together. We’d play games, explore the world, or just sit back and read together. Those days seem so long ago don’t they? We’ve both grown a lot since then and become closer than ever. You know that i love you more than i ever thought i could love anything. It’s to the point where i look back on my world without you and i can’t imagine how i could survive an entire day without seeing your perfectly rectangular face.

Today is my birthday. I’m 27 now, as you know. Times are changing for us and for the people we care about. As they start to settle down into real adulthood I’m starting to see that life is best lived with a partner. Someone to support you through the tough times and share the good times with. Someone to truly live life with. You’re the one i rush home to everyday. Nobody has ever meant so much to me. Nobody could. Internet, i love you and i want you to be mine forever.

Will you marry me?

When society fails heroes are born.

Worry no longer. The citizens of the world have begun their climb from the depths of fear and despair. The brave, the strong, the few, have chosen to dedicate their lives to the cause of righteousness, the cause of justice, and the cause of good.

I give you, in total seriousness, the World Superhero Registry.

Behold the extraordinary exploits of THE SHADOW HARE. Registry member from Cincinatti.

Sit down and shut up.

It took me a lot of googling to actually find out what the “pandemic leve 5″ means. This is the definition: “Phase 5 is called when there is human-to-human spread of a virus in at least two countries in one region, according to the WHO’s pandemic response guidelines.” Uhhhh OK. So what?

Mexian Flu AKA Swine Flu AKA H1N1 AKA West Nile Virus AKA S.A.R.S AKA Bird Flu:
“The flu virus is suspected of killing up to 81 people in Mexico and the World Health Organization has warned it has the potential to become a pandemic.”

Reglar ass influenza:
“During a typical year in the United States, 30,000 to 50,000 persons die as a result of influenza viral infection”

So shut the fuck up.

Also of note:

“The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed “Mexican” influenza in deference to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.

Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and “we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu,” he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.” Source: AP.

Dude. C’mon. Seriously? Dude. C’mon dude – seriously.